What do you call a comic without a girlfriend?

Homeless!

What's the difference between a comic and a large pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of four.

A little boy goes to his Mom and says "Mom, when I grow up I want to be a comedian."  The Mom says "Honey, you can't do both."

Two guys meet in the middle of the Sahara Desert.  The first one says "What are you doing here?"  The other guys say, "Well...my name is Salmon Rushdie and I wrote a book that made people think I was insulting Islam and they put a million dollar price tag on my head.  What are YOU doing here?"  

The other guys says, "Tribble gig."