Why do open-mikers make the best lovers

You give them a light and they go on for another 15 minutes.

How many Open-mikers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, If they get the light they have to stop.

How Many Comics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. One to screw it in and two to say:

How long he been up there?

A comic dies and finds himself standing in a celestial comedy club.  He asks a guy standing by the door what’s up.

"this is where all comedians go when they die.  You are booked thru eternity at $5000.00 per week, all the food and booze you want and you can sack all the waitresses you can handle"

WOW!  You mean we all get to go to heaven?

"No, you haven't seen the condo yet"