Three guys go to heaven.

St. Peter waits at the pearly gates and asks the first one: "What did you do for work while on earth".  The guy replies "I was a Lawyer".  St. Peter says "Fine.  Go thru the gates, take a left and you will be in heaven".

Second guy comes up.  St. Peter asks again, "what did you do for work on earth"? The guy says "I was a Doctor".  St. Peter says "Fine.  Go thru the gates, take a left and you will be in heaven".

Third guy comes up.  St. Peter asks once more, "What did you do for work on earth"?  The guy says "I was a comedian".   St. Peter says "Fine.  Go thru the gates, take a left, then a right, go down the stairs through the kitchen........"

What's the difference between a dead armadillo in the middle of the road and a dead Aubry Pippin in the middle of the road?

There's skid marks before the armadillo.

Waitress to Comedian while in a car..." I never really get involved with the comedians and I've never even been to the condo before...I didn't even know the club had a place for the comedians. I don't think i would even know how to get there...take a left here...I mean I'm not the type of girl who sleeps with just anybody....."

"What's the difference between a comedian and a pig?

A pig won't stay up all night trying to fuck a waitress."