Two comics run into each other at a bar...  First comic: "Whatcha been up to?"

Second comic: "I just won $30 million in the lottery."

First comic: "Cool! What are you going to do?"

Second comic: "I'm gonna keep working the road 'til the money runs out."

Comic picks up 1 of the waitresses at the club and spends the evening with her.

As she is leaving the condo the next morning she says, "Could you do me a favor and not mention this to anyone?"  The comic says, "Yeah, I understand you'd get fired" and she says, "No, I just dont want anyone to know I slept with the MC"

Q: How many open-mikers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: "Light? What light? I never saw any light!!"