Immediately following the show...

Woman: (to comic) That was the BEST show I've ever seen! God, you were sooo FUNNY! I was kind of down tonight...my boyfriend and I broke up...I didn't want to go out, but my friends made me come here. I am SO glad they did...You were wonderful! Thanks! (SHE TURNS TO GO)

Comic: Wait! Where are you going?

Woman: To fuck the guitar player across the street.

A woman walks up to a comic after the show and says "That was the best show I've ever seen. You are sooooo sexy.  I watched you and I got hot and wet.  I want to take you back to my place and make mad passionate love to you."  The comic looks at her and says, "Did you see the first show, or the second?"

Three comics die on the way to a gig...They get to heaven, and St. Peter welcomes them at the gate:

"Hello, my Son," St. Pete says to the headliner.  "You were one of the Lord's favorites...You had so much potential ahead of you, but the work you leave behind will be remembered for an eternity.  You have made many laugh, and have pleased us all. Come in and sit at the right hand of the Father."

He turns to the Feature.  "The joy you spread upon this planet has earned you a special place, as well.  Come in, and take a special seat at the left hand of the Father."

He turns to the MC and goes, "Oh.. you were funny, too..."

How many comics does it take to screw in a light bulb in a comedy condo?

There are no light bulbs in a comedy condo.