Why did the comic cross the road?

Nevermind, you wouldn't get it anyway.

The only difference between a comic and someone on un-employment is the person on un-employment is GUARANTEED the check is in the mail on the 15th.

These two comics go to see a live sex show.

The show starts with a woman giving head to a guy on stage.

This goes on for about an hour.

After a while one of the comics gets tired of the same thing and walks up to the stage. He gets up on stage and slaps the dick out of the woman’s mouth.

She looks up at him and says, "Hey, do I come to where you work and tell jokes?"

St. Peter asks three people why they should get passed the pearly gates:

1st Guy says "I was a policeman.  I helped stop crime and saved many people".

St. Peter says, "Yes, you may come into heaven".

2nd Guy says "I was a writer.  I wrote books that helped expand minds and educated people".

St. Peter says, "Yes, you may come into heaven".

3rd Guy says "I was a comedian.  I made people laugh".

St. Peter says "Can you send me a tape"?