 Forget Volcano. Forget Twister. Forget The
Titanic. The Year 2000 Problem, better known by the George Lucas droid-like acronym -
Y2K, is going to be the disaster film to watch. "Luke, beware of the missing evil
number 19." If you don’t already know let me clue you in. At exactly 12:00:00
AM, January 1st, 2000 all the computers around the world are going to travel
back in time 100 years because nobody thought enough to tell them we’re currently
living in the 1900s. And you know what that means for you - huge opportunities. Follow
closely and your buddy Dave’s going to tell you how to cash in on the terror of Y2K.
Remember, another’s financial detriment can be your salvation.
Lawyers |
| Salaries will skyrocket for
those people who caused the problem in the first place – programmers. But come
1/2/2000, lawyers will sue anyone remotely connected with a business’ failure. Watch
all those programming fortunes made on Y2K cycle back into lawyers’ pockets. |
If Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It
To make money off of Y2K, most people would advise forming a Year
2000 task firm to fix the problem. Great, how the hell do you plan on showing your
experience?
"I believe our history solving The Year 1000 Problem
speaks for itself."
Plus, after 1/1/2000 what are you going to do? Fix the Y10K
Problem? What are you going to do for rent until then? The point is that there’s more
money to be made with less work if nobody fixes it.
Business
Failures |
| Depression and failure will
result from financially deficient businesses unable to fix the Y2K problem. My advice,
sell short now. |
Ultimately, Y2K will have to be fixed, and it
won’t be cheap - $600 billion. You think the government is going to absorb their
share of the costs? I’d advise you not to begin holding your breath. And yes, fixing
the problem after Y2K will be more expensive, but if you’re smart, you’ll take
advantage of the situation now so you come out ahead in the end.
Unemployment |
| With all the companies
going out of business, unemployment will shoot up. Know what that means for you? A skilled
workforce willing to come in at entry level. |
Bank
Account |
| On January 2, 2000 put $100 in a
bank whose computer thinks it’s actually 1/2/1900. When they finally get around to
fixing their problem you’ll have accrued 100 years of interest. Whose the Motley Fool
now? |
Big Money to be Made
Significant investment opportunities are awaiting you at midnight.
I’m not talking about the demand for programming talent. Some businesses simply
won’t have the money to invest in fixing Y2K and they’ll have no other option
but to fold. Looking to acquire a company? Do I smell undervalued? A "no money
down" opportunity? Might want to brush up on your Tom Vu seminars.
Employment |
| Take a job at a huge multi-global corporation where
nobody remembers your name or face. On Monday 1/2/2000, go into your boss’ office and
ask him why he hasn’t given you 100 raises let alone adjusted your income for
inflation. |
The Challenge
That’s why I’m soliciting people from around the world to
start spreading the word about The Y2K Celebration. Go to your bank, credit
institution, boss, congressman, or anyone else that’s holding your money and tell
them to stop worrying about Y2K. Explain that on 1/1/2000, computers are going to start
spewing out gum and candy to all the people that didn’t screw with them. If you have
to, make up some elaborate conspiracy theory. Or tell them it’s all just a big
promotional gimmick for Spielberg’s next dinosaur movie. The point is less public
fear means less work, which translates into huge computer screw-ups and therefore
tremendous opportunities for you and me. One man can’t do it alone. We have to work
together. Get them focused on something else, like how cool Dick Clark’s Rockin’
Eve will be.
Bank
Vault |
| On Sunday, 1/1/2000 all the bank’s computers will
think it’s Monday, 1/1/1900 causing the time security on the vault to unlock. Just
make sure you’re there at 8:59AM with a frosty beverage and a big duffel bag. |
Driver’s
License |
| When the ball drops in Times Square, so will all your
driving convictions. Time to chock up on all those speeding tickets. |
The negative press on The Year 2000
"Problem" could potentially ruin everything. Luckily, we have ignorance on our
side. Awareness levels are extremely low - 35% in North America, 10% in Europe. Maybe Y2K
supporters should think about wearing colored ribbons. While they’re figuring that
out, we must work together to convince people to disregard logic just like George Orwell
foresaw in 1984 when Big Brother pressure caused citizens to believe that 2+2=5.
Insurance |
| Born in 1969? Come Y2K you’ll be –69 years
old. Actuarial tables will begin instructing insurance companies to issue refunds.
Finally, single males under 30 will have their revenge. |
Supermarkets |
| Food shortages will result from people celebrating the
world’s biggest party. Begin stockpiling beer and pretzels to resell at huge margins. |
I can’t wait. The excitement is just too much.
I’m like a kid who knows he’s going to Disneyworld in December and it’s
only July. I can’t enjoy the summer because all I can think about is Space Mountain.
Problem is there is one possible backlash from Y2K:
"How come my Axcess subscription suddenly stopped?"
© 1997, David Spark |
